


We Are

by kanna37



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Gen, Not a pairing fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-25
Updated: 2013-03-25
Packaged: 2017-12-06 12:08:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/735459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanna37/pseuds/kanna37
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kikyou's final death brings about profound understanding to both she<br/>and Kagome of who and what they really are. An experimental look into what<br/>might have been happening between the two as Kikyou took her last breaths.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Part I**

 

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Inuyasha.

~oOo~

A cold wind fluttered over those sitting in quiet contemplation on the hilltop, even as all eyes were glued to the two figures down the hill. Kikyou was finally dying again, but at least she'd been granted the boon of passing on once more while being held in the arms of her first and only love.

Everyone there could feel the pain and sadness of the two sitting there, Kikyou held tightly in Inuyasha's arms, and though they all watched, all of them had the decency to close their ears to whatever was being said between the two, for such a thing was of the most private and personal.

But there was one person there on that cold hilltop that knew everything that was being said, and every action between the two...

Kagome.

As Kikyou had weakened, her false body coming inevitably closer to shutting down, a strange sense of duality had taken over both of them, had Inuyasha or any of the others known it. Kagome could fully feel Kikyou in those minutes, and Kikyou could likewise feel Kagome, though neither one said a word to anyone else. This was an even more intimate sharing than what was between the older miko and hanyou – this was the sharing of a soul and life memories between one life and the next. Something that no one else could participate in or even understand.

Even as a single tear made its way down Kikyou's cheek and Inuyasha kissed her goodbye, a tear traced the curve of Kagome's cheek – the same tear on two different faces. In Kagome's eyes, had anyone been looking, they would have seen Kikyou's gaze looking back out at them, and had Inuyasha not had his eyes closed, he would have seen Kagome in Kikyou's fading eyes.

Kagome could feel every bit of the emotions of Kikyou in those endless seeming moments – and she responded just as though they were her own feelings, tears drenching her eyes... the tears that Kikyou could no longer cry as her body burst into streamers of light that were escorted into eternity. Pain, sadness, grief - all burst within Kagome's soul as the memories of her final death as Kikyou washed over her, and she could once again actually feel it as her body became colder and then vanished suddenly into effervescent light and welcome warmth. In that moment, there was no Kikyou, and there was no Kagome – there was only one soul, remembering both its lives and trying to understand things that a simple human girl had never been meant to understand but now did – the eternal nature of the soul and all its incarnations were there in Kagome in that instant, as even countless echoes of their other past lives were reawakened in the living form of the miko that still breathed.

It was an instant of profound epiphany for Kagome, and as eternity opened over her in all its cold, endless glory, she became in that moment the perfect representation of that soul, the ultimate form that it had been seeking through all of its lives – not Kikyou, not Kagome, not even any of its other representations – but one single entity, perfected and molded into a single being with memories of all its lives. In Kagome, all of that soul's potential became realized in the instant that Kikyou's false body disintegrated.

Eyes falling closed as she lowered her head, Kagome nodded to herself. “I understand,” she whispered, almost overwhelmed by the culminating emotions of every life she had ever lived pouring out over her. She felt Kikyou's pain and feelings of betrayal and wounded pride, she felt the calm acceptance of death of their previous incarnation, a miko who had lived a long and relatively happy life even once she left her life of service and married, though there was also sadness there, too. She felt the intense grief of their soul's first incarnation – a young hime caught up in court politics and forced to wed a man she hated while watching her true love die all for her father's scheming for power. And in that moment she gasped – because she recognized the feel of the young woman's lover's soul...

It was in that single instant that everything inside Kagome coalesced and settled in, calming the maelstrom of emotion and memories, because it was in that one second that she _really_ understood _everything_. Eternity, different incarnations... none of it mattered. She and Inuyasha, no matter the lifetime, were bound one to the other and would never be truly separated. For from the very first life their soul had endured, his had been with them. Through all his own different lives, some as human, some as youkai and even hanyou, he who was now Inuyasha had walked alongside their soul, and the young woman who was Kagome, but also Kikyou and all the others at the same time finally felt true peace. 

It didn't matter, really, what her name was right now, because she was now a perfect blending of all her memories and lives, and Inuyasha's intense grief as he stood and watched the remains of one life ascend into time to await her next birth as Kagome no longer made her envious, because in reality, he was grieving for a life in which their souls had been tricked and denied the happiness that they should have had.

_He loves us, all of us, in each life,_ Kikyou's voice whispered in her mind, and was echoed by the voices of all the other lives that he'd loved her in. _He loves us in your life, too_. _But there is still yet some grief to endure before we may know true peace together, for there is still our duty to finish._

“Hai,” Kagome whispered again, a mere breath of sound. There could be no happiness, no true completion until Naraku and the Shikon no Tama were finished. Those two things were standing in the way of their ultimate happiness, and must be dealt with before their two souls, two souls that had sought oneness through one lifetime after another, could finally achieve just that.

_Comfort him,_ Kikyou said again in her mind, _for he has grieved enough for several lifetimes already._ Before her voice in Kagome's mind even faded, Kagome was moving down the hill towards the red-clad hanyou.

“Inuyasha?” she said softly, coming to a halt behind him, not touching him physically but instead reaching out with her soul – the soul that felt like Kikyou and Kagome and all the other women she had been. She just knew somehow that sense of Kikyou in her airy caress would help soothe his pain, even though he probably didn't notice it on a conscious level, too caught up in the older miko's body's disintegration to fully notice or realize the implications.

“I wanted to protect her forever,” he said, hearing her voice but still caught up in the intense grief of Kikyou's final moments.

_You are,_ she thought, both Kikyou and Kagome's thought one and the same in that moment. _You are still protecting us. You have always protected us, and you always will. And we will always love you, no matter the life or the name we are called. Be at peace, Inuyasha. Grieve, and let the past go, so that we may have the future we have been chasing through all of our lives._

The lithe teen looked at Inuyasha and almost wanted to smile despite her own still echoing sadness for that life of hers that had been cut so short, because that realization was just so true. He had protected them – through many different lives, just as he had been and would continue to do in this life as Kagome. It was with that knowledge that she was able to step back and let him grieve and work his way through his pain without envy or personal upset, because she was also still trying to deal with her emotions as Kikyou, as well. 

And so she went and took a seat of her own as the wheel of heaven turned slowly above them all, and opened herself fully to all her memories and emotions as Kikyou, so that she could settle them all and begin to heal the pain her soul had endured in that life. She could respect his grief because she was grieving herself for that life and all its lost potential.

Warmth enfolded her as she watched the past through eyes that were at once different and yet the same, and the woman once known as Kikyou became healed of the scars inflicted on her soul by the betrayal of Naraku as the purity of said soul washed the wounds of the past away. That sharing was extremely intense and allowed the soul to bind itself together into one entity again, but yet, while it was going on, there were still separate thoughts from each one at different points, showing the duality that existed in true oneness clearly had anyone been watching.

Kikyou, Kagome... by whatever name she was called, was once more healed and whole, one and yet more, and as Kikyou's memories and voice finally faded into welcome sleep, the being that was suddenly more than she'd really ever realized became focused on one thing... vengeance.

_We are... your enemy._

_As we always have been, Naraku, and all those you have been that have tormented us in every life we have lived. This time, it ends._

_This time, we are strong enough to destroy you._

_This time, we are...._

_Kagome._

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Part II**

 

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Inuyasha.

~oOo~

A cold wind blew over the hilltop and curled around the still, broken figure being held so tightly against red fire rat. Kikyou stirred for a moment at the realization that she could actually feel the rough fire rat fur chafing against her flesh. It had been so long since she'd felt anything at all that even that irritant was to be cherished. 

She knew she was dying again, the body she was inhabiting was shutting down, pushed beyond its limits. The grief was sharp and intense, but there was a growing sense of peace within her, as well. She opened her eyes as she felt someone elses tears touch her cheek and looked up at Inuyasha.

“I'm finally an ordinary woman,” she said weakly as the god energies her body had once held dissipated, returning to the new body that now housed her soul. Kagome. _But really, we've never been an ordinary woman,_ she thought as her consciousness began to once more merge with who she was in her next life, and memories of other lives began to touch her, as well. _Our soul wasn't forged to be ordinary._

 _No, it wasn't,_ Kagome's voice agreed, echoing within their soul.

Understanding had washed over her in waves as Inuyasha had told her that she was the _first_ woman he'd ever loved. _We are the only woman you've ever loved, _ she realized, recognizing his soul in that moment as the one that had been entwined with her soul throughout every single lifetime, and still was, even as Kagome. _He cannot help but love her, as he loved me, because we are..._

_We are._

_Two halves of one whole. His soul, and ours._

That thought gave her enough comfort that she was able to smile faintly even as her body failed, one last tear tracing her cheek as he kissed her goodbye. _Do not cry, Inuyasha,_ she thought, even as the cold body she'd been trapped in dissolved around her into effervescent warmth, the bright shining lights of eternity welcoming her consciousness.

But while she could distinctly remember the feeling of death and the wheel of reincarnation and could feel herself entering the afterlife, there was an odd duality of consciousness for her, because she was also watching all of it happening from Kagome's eyes. Their soul was remembering its trip into the afterlife, even while watching the beginnings of its journey from its new life in another body. A warm body, not the cold one she'd been reawakened in after her first death.

If Inuyasha had bothered looking at Kagome, he would have seen Kikyou looking back out at him, because who she was as Kagome flooded over her, then, and she suddenly was able to see all of Kagome's experiences, feel her emotions, and understand her conflicted mind and feelings. In that moment, she was Kagome, as much as Kagome was her.

She could feel as Kagome also awoke to her past as Kikyou, a very intimate sharing back and forth of emotions and thoughts and realizations of who they really were, even as both felt their past lives also touch their consciousness. Grief and comfort combined and became one as personal divisions were erased within the living body of Kagome, and their soul became one with itself and all its incarnations.

 _Don't cry, Inuyasha, I'm still here,_ she thought as she watched him stand and up and stare into the sky at the lights of her journey into another world. _We are still connected. I am Kagome, and she is me. And you are part of us. We can never truly be separated._

_We are._

_We are... one. Your soul, and ours._

_I can see it now, and accept that she and I are one being in different lifetimes, and she can also see it. There is no more envy on either of our behalf, one for the other. I need not envy her for still living and sharing that life with you, and she need not envy the past and the love we shared, because it is love that is contiguous, the same in that life as it was in this one – and will be in the next one._

It was an awesome knowledge, seeing life and reality in all its complex glory without the interference of the super ego that each individual carried. That state of mind which placed the ultimate importance on that particular incarnation, that particular life. Kagome's jealousy for Inuyasha's feelings for Kikyou and Kikyou's in return being prime examples. Both had wished that he cared more for the one than the other, but now, now, they could both see just how silly that had been. How ridiculous to be jealous of oneself? 

Yes, the body was different in each life, and the personality developed differently depending on the different life experiences of each incarnation – but the soul, the heart of who you were did not change. At the core of everything, when different lives and bodies were swept aside, what was left was just one soul, and it was _that_ soul that would face Naraku as one being and of one mind.

That soul that was the core of who they were also craved its ultimate completion – it craved Inuyasha's soul. Were Kagome to die and be born again into a new body, her new incarnation would also want the same thing. Whether he was living as Inuyasha, or another, still would they search for each other, never consciously knowing what they were looking for until they met. And they _would_ meet – they would always find each other, no matter the life or the era, because that was just the way it was – the way it was meant to be. But Naraku was in the way of that, and had to be disposed of.

Peace settled deep within the soul that both woman had carried as perfect understanding washed over Kagome, and the echoes of their past lives welcomed their consciousness into the fullness of perfection.

_We are..._

_Content._

_Comfort him... for he has grieved enough for several lifetimes already._

What had once been Kikyou watched as Kagome spoke to Inuyasha, attempting to comfort him, and smiled warmly at his declaration that he'd wanted to protect her forever. _He doesn't understand yet the fullness of that desire, nor just what he is protecting, but he will,_ she thought as her memories began to fall into sleep and her consciousness became fuzzy at the edges as she faded into Kagome's mind.

_My time has finished... but now I can move on into a life where I have the chance not only for vengeance, but happiness, as well, for if we destroy Naraku, then we may be together, as we have always been meant to be._

_Yes,_ Kagome's thoughts answered her, _we will gain vengeance, and then we will be happy together._

_Do not fear, for..._

_We are..._

_We are one. From the beginning, to the end, we are... As he also is._

Kikyou's thoughts faded away into a peaceful slumber, and Kagome's eyes shot open, a perfect balance of all those lives contained in her gaze - as well as a hint of that other world that all knew of but yet had no memories of to account for that knowing. 

“We are... Kagome. And vengeance will be ours,” she said softly, no one hearing her words, everyone wrapped in their own thoughts and griefs as they were. But the one who needed to hear it... would.

That cold breeze circling the hilltop suddenly whirled off, and miles away, a dark hanyou shivered as it reached him, an echo of that vow of vengeance filling him with foreboding, because he could clearly hear Kikyou's voice – as well as Kagome's, and the power of the voices of the countless others that soul had been.

_We are... your enemy._

_As we always have been, Naraku, and all those you have been that have tormented us in every life we have lived. This time, it ends._

_This time, we are strong enough to destroy you._

_This time, we are...._

_Kagome._

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I've been working on for a while – something that really hit me while watching the episode of Kikyou's death again. I am not an adherent of the Buddhist faith, nor of reincarnation, so it is sometimes hard for me to imagine how Kagome would feel to be faced with ostensibly herself – who she once was. And for Kikyou to be faced with a younger version of herself, as well – the one who now carries the soul that was once hers. 
> 
> At first this was going to be just a one shot, but after re-working it a couple of times, I decided to break it into two parts. Part I is, of course, mostly Kagome's thoughts, and part II is mostly Kikyou's thoughts – until we get to the point of merger, and then at the end we see Kagome again, when she is once more whole, and Kikyou is fading back into sleep within her. 
> 
> I hope you all take it the way it is meant – as an exploration into how the two might have felt, and the realizations that would have come to them as their soul rejoined itself once more, carrying the memories of eternity with it. It was difficult to write, funnily enough becoming intensely personal to me, and I've fought with myself for a long time about posting it. But, after much thought, I've decided to go ahead and take the chance. I hope I'm not making a mistake, lol.
> 
> Amber


End file.
